The Knight before Christmas

The Jester is gifted at giving re-gifted gifts.  She wants to trade up to that pinnacle of gifts — a pony!  Meanwhile, the Prince has just been knighted and must live up to his vows.  But can he keep his vows and keep his gifts: a belt, a chain, spurs and a sword?   Famish (formerly known as Fat) needs a belt to hold his  pants up, which keep falling down.  Heidi needs a chain to leash her stuffed puppy dog,  Sue Flay the pastry chef needs a pastry wheel, and Spit needs a carving knife.  Will the Prince keep the spirit or the letter of his vows?  This madrigal script is perfect for the Christmas season, which nowadays runs from Columbus Day to the Superbowl.

Cast size: 5 Male/ 7 Female/ Extras

SAMPLE PAGES:

(Lights up on TOWN CRIER & JESTER.)

TOWN CRIER:  How now, Jester.  You look rather downcast.

JESTER:  My plan is not working.

TOWN CRIER:  Still stuck with the cheap wine from the pub?

JESTER:  Actually, I took a sip of it.  Then I gave it to the Royal Armorer for a new weapon he is developing.

TOWN CRIER:  What’s that?

JESTER:  A flame thrower.  He needed something both flammable and caustic.  Of course, now I have nothing to re-gift.  I ran out of rubber chickens—and ideas.

TOWN CRIER:  Well, perhaps, you can trade this for something.  (Hands JESTER a fork.)

JESTER:  How did you get that?

TOWN CRIER:  I asked the goose girl to trade me for one of her forks.

JESTER:  What did you trade her?

TOWN CRIER:  My magical flute.

JESTER:  But, I thought you liked your flute?

TOWN CRIER:  I did.  I like you better.  It’s Christmas, Jester!

JESTER:  (Pauses.)  That’s . . . admirable.  Oh, thank you, dear friend!  Now, I have something to re-gift with the nobility.  Forget the goose girl!  (Enter FAMISH, carrying a basket with produce.)

FAMISH: (His pants are very, very loose, and he likes to gesture wildly with his hands.  He always catches his pants just in time, but he is wearing very, very modest and funny boxers underneath.)  Why are you forgetting the goose girl, Jester?

JESTER: (Looks FAMISH up and down.)  Do I know you?

FAMISH: (Sets down his basket.)  Jester, it’s me!  (Throws his arms wide.)  I’m Famish!  (Catches his pants before they drop.)

JESTER: Fat Famish?  I don’t think so.  (Enter PRINCE.)

PRINCE: Did someone say “Fat Famish”?  Where is the rogue?  Why, I haven’t seen him since he chased me out of his apple orchard with a rake.

FAMISH:  (Bows.)  It is I, my Prince.  (ALL stare at him.)  Ta-da!  (He strikes a pose and almost loses his pants again.)

PRINCE: You are Fat Famish?

TOWN CRIER: (Looking more closely.)  I believe it is Fat Famish.

FAMISH:  My Prince!  How you’ve grown!

PRINCE:  Fat Famish!  How you’ve . . . shrunk.  What has happened?

FAMISH: My mother eloped with a potter from Pembroke.  She kept waiting around for grandchildren, but you know, I could never quite find the girl who suited me.

JESTER: You mean a girl who could cook like your mother.

FAMISH: Good cooking suits me.  But now I’m cooking for myself.  (ALL look at FAMISH.)

JESTER: And how is that going?

FAMISH: That report of a dragon in the northern shire?

TOWN CRIER: Yes.

FAMISH: That was me.  I burned a pot of black beans.  I guess I should not have used so much molasses.  Or jalapeno.  Or saltpeter.

TOWN CRIER: Saltpeter?

FAMISH: Gives it a kick.  Unfortunately, this time it gave the beans a small explosion.  But I’m done with English cooking anyway.  I’ve just acquired a French cookbook, and the royal armorer just sold me some cooking wine.  (Holds up flask.)

JESTER: I have a feeling that your cooking woes are not over.

PRINCE: Famish, you must stay for the banquet tonight.  We will have mutton, pork, stuffed goose and more pastries than you can imagine.  We will help you, uh, fill out a bit.

FAMISH: Oh, my Prince.  I can’t do that.

PRINCE: And why’s that?

FAMISH: (Points to pants.)  These are the only pants I own.  I cannot be seen in polite society dressed like this.  (He throws up his arms and his pants slide half-way down his butt.)

JESTER: Of course not!  (Laughing.)  Can you imagine a society where having your pants hanging half-way down is the style?  It would be the end of civilization as we know it.

PRINCE: But I have a solution.  (PRINCE unbuckles the belt from around his waist.  He hands it to FAMISH.)  This will hold your pants up.

TOWN CRIER:  My Prince, no!

PRINCE:  (In a firm voice.)  Attend me, Town Crier.  I have been well fed due to the efforts of farmers such as Famish.  I have no need for a belt.  Famish needs a belt.  That is the end of it.

FAMISH: My Prince, I cannot accept this.  It is finely-crafted, and I am but a plain farmer.

PRINCE: Famish, it’s Christmas.  Besides, I want to see you eat with BOTH hands tonight.  And I don’t want my dear mother to faint dead away either.  Now, do join us for a meal!

SSCP   CAS-002   9L0-066   350-050   642-999   220-801   74-678   642-732   400-051   ICGB   c2010-652   70-413   101-400   220-902   350-080   210-260   70-246   1Z0-144   3002   AWS-SYSOPS   70-347   PEGACPBA71V1   220-901   70-534   LX0-104   070-461   HP0-S42   1Z0-061   000-105   70-486   70-177   N10-006   500-260   640-692   70-980   CISM   VCP550   70-532   200-101   000-080   PR000041   2V0-621   70-411   352-001   70-480   70-461   ICBB   000-089   70-410   350-029   1Z0-060   2V0-620   210-065   70-463   70-483   CRISC   MB6-703   1z0-808   220-802   ITILFND   1Z0-804   LX0-103   MB2-704   210-060   101   200-310   640-911   200-120   EX300   300-209   1Z0-803   350-001   400-201   9L0-012   70-488   JN0-102   640-916   70-270   100-101   MB5-705   JK0-022   350-060   300-320   1z0-434   350-018   400-101   350-030   000-106   ADM-201   300-135   300-208   EX200   PMP   NSE4   1Z0-051   c2010-657   C_TFIN52_66   300-115   70-417   9A0-385   70-243   300-075   70-487   NS0-157   MB2-707   70-533   CAP   OG0-093   M70-101   300-070   102-400   JN0-360   SY0-401   000-017   300-206   CCA-500   70-412   2V0-621D   70-178   810-403   70-462   OG0-091   1V0-601   200-355   000-104   700-501   70-346   CISSP   300-101   1Y0-201   200-125  , 200-125  , 100-105  , 100-105  , C_TFIN52_66   1Z0-060   300-320   350-001   ADM-201   70-483   70-486  , 1z0-434   OG0-091   101   PMP   642-999   70-480   CISM   700-501   210-260  , 70-270   210-060   100-105  , 200-125  , MB2-707   210-065   M70-101   700-501   100-101   NSE4   70-177   CISM   3002   400-101   MB2-704   220-901   ICBB   NSE4   OG0-091   ITILFND  , 100-105  , 300-208   400-051   200-125  , 102-400  , 200-355   1z0-808   70-411   220-801   300-075   70-480  , MB2-704   640-916  ,