Scrooge, Marley, and Me

ScroogeKing Scrydan is so cheap that he can’t even pay attention.  And if he did, he would know that everyone calls him Scrooge behind his back.  Coming from beyond Jamaica, his dearly-departed brother Marley (along with a Jamaican to English interpreter) warns him that his skin-flint ways will lead to a fate worse than death.  Scrooge will be visited by three ghosts who persuade him by whatever means necessary to mend his ways and learn to live a little.  Lightly interactive with the audience and lots of fun.  A great Christmas show!

Cast Size: 7 Male, 7 Female, 3 M/F, Extras (With doubling, 7 Male, 5 Female, 2 M/F, Extras)

Note:  Available only through Eldridge Plays at: http://www.histage.com

SAMPLE PAGES:

QUEEN:
May joy be granted to all of you here,
While song and laughter give you cheer.
Let the first course be served!

KING:  First course?  There’s more than one?

QUEEN:  (Awkwardly.)  It is a banquet, my King.

KING:  Our banquets all come in one course.  All on a nice foil plate—with separate compartments so that your peas don’t get in your mashed potatoes.  The tricky part is peeling back the aluminum foil at just the right time from the apple pie …

QUEEN:  This is a banquet, my King, not a Banquet frozen dinner.  And since the castle is so cold, I have no idea how you’d thaw it out anyway.

KING:  Wood for the stove doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

QUEEN:  Well, actually, wood—

KING:  Yes, yes.  I know.

QUEEN:  Well?

KING:  (Grudgingly.)  Oh, all right.  Let the “first” course be served. Servants, serve the bread and salad.

(KAZOO FANFARE.  SERVANTS enter with bread & salad for the guests.  FIONA and SERVANT go to the “special” table (see PRODUCTION NOTES.) and use tongs to put one olive and one crouton on each salad plate.  The QUEEN rises up to see what they are doing.)

QUEEN:  Fiona!  One olive and one crouton for a first course?

FIONA:  I am merely following the King’s instructions, milady.

QUEEN:  (To KING.)  My King, one olive and one crouton for a first course?  This is dreadful!

KING:  (Stands.)  I most certainly agree, my Queen.  (To FIONA.)  Serving wench!  What did I tell you about our serving portions?

FIONA:  (Sighs.)  Yes, my King.  (To SERVANT.)  Cut those olives in half!  (SERVANT cuts the olives in half and starts giving each guest half an olive.)

QUEEN:  My King!  Half an olive?

KING:  Olives don’t grow on trees, you know.

QUEEN:  Well, actually, olives do—

KING:  Yes, yes.  I know.  It’s an expression.

QUEEN: Our guests must be served properly.

KING:  They are being served properly.  (KING & QUEEN sit down.)  Why, when I was a boy, I was thankful for every crouton and olive I got.  These days … (KING is interrupted by reggae music. MARLEY and INTERPRETER enter.)  What is the meaning of this!

QUEEN:  (Looking around.)  Meaning of what, my King?

KING:  Don’t you hear that awful racket?

QUEEN:  What are you talking about?

KING:  I hear reggae music.  (Looks up at MARLEY.)  Marley!?

MARLEY:  (As MARLEY speaks, the music stops.)  Me bredda!  (Picks up the KING’s empty plate.)  How yuh nyam summuch?

KING:  Excuse me?

INTERPRETER:  He says, “My fraternal sibling!  Why do you eat to excess?  (Editorializing.)  Note that the last line was delivered with a sarcastic tone.

KING:  Who are you?

QUEEN:  I am your wife.

KING:  Not you, him. (Points to INTERPRETER.  QUEEN looks to where he points and is clearly confused.  She looks to EARL, concerned.)

INTERPRETER:  I am the Jamaican to English interpreter.

KING:  Jamaican to English?  (To MARLEY.)  But, Marley, you’re not Jamaican.  You’re dead.

MARLEY:  It’s a tall story.  Me tell yuh after dis likkle sinting yuh a gi me.

INTERPRETER: It is an epic tale.  I will inform you of the details after the hors d’oeuvres have been served.

KING:  Hors d’oeuvres?

QUEEN:  (To KING.)  To whom do you speak, sire?

KING:  And why can’t my Queen see you?

MARLEY:  Me bredda, de rest of de fambly no see me.  Me a duppy man.

INTERPRETER: My brother.  The rest of our relatives cannot perceive me.  I am a phantom.  A specter.  A transmogrified …

KING:  I know what a phantom is.

QUEEN:  My King?  Why do you speak of phantoms?  Are you ill?

FIONA:  (To SERVANTS.)  Quick! The King is distracted.  Bring this table full portions!  (SERVANTS quickly serve “special table” the full portion.) 

KING:  (To QUEEN.)  I feel perfectly fine.  Are you telling me that you can’t see him?   (Points to MARLEY.)  Marley, what are you doing here?

MARLEY:  Like I said, me a duppy man …

INTERPRETER:  As I stated earlier, I am a phantom.  A specter.  A …

QUEEN:  (To KING.)  Marley?  My husband, your brother is dead.  You look a bit pale.  Like you’ve seen a ghost.

INTERPRETER:  (Interpreting what the QUEEN just said.)  Marley?  Me hubbyman, your bredda is dead.  You coo ‘pon gaan fe bed you’ve seen a duppy man.

KING:  (To INTERPRETER.)  I don’t need an English to Jamaican translation.

INTERPRETER:  (Pause.)  Right.

QUEEN:  What?

KING:  (A bit snappish to QUEEN.)  I wasn’t talking to you.

QUEEN:  (To KING.)  Then I shall return the favor.  (She stands and exits.)

KING: (To MARLEY.)  But, you.  Tell me the epic tale now.

MARLEY:  No bodda bawl im soon cum bak.

INTERPRETER: No need to weep.  I will soon return.  (MARLEY and INTERPRETER exit.)

KING:  My Queen, I’ve had an extraordinary vision.  (Turns to empty chair.)  My Queen?  (Looks around.)  What strange tidings are these!

EARL:  My lord?

KING:  (Ignoring EARL.)  The ghost of my brother?  But I don’t believe in ghosts.  (Picks up his goblet and looks in it.) There must have been something in the wassail that has altered my perception.  Ah, yes, too much alcohol content.  (Pause.)  I thought I told Fiona to water it down. I must speak with her at once. (Stands and exits.  Lights down.)

SSCP   CAS-002   9L0-066   350-050   642-999   220-801   74-678   642-732   400-051   ICGB   c2010-652   70-413   101-400   220-902   350-080   210-260   70-246   1Z0-144   3002   AWS-SYSOPS   70-347   PEGACPBA71V1   220-901   70-534   LX0-104   070-461   HP0-S42   1Z0-061   000-105   70-486   70-177   N10-006   500-260   640-692   70-980   CISM   VCP550   70-532   200-101   000-080   PR000041   2V0-621   70-411   352-001   70-480   70-461   ICBB   000-089   70-410   350-029   1Z0-060   2V0-620   210-065   70-463   70-483   CRISC   MB6-703   1z0-808   220-802   ITILFND   1Z0-804   LX0-103   MB2-704   210-060   101   200-310   640-911   200-120   EX300   300-209   1Z0-803   350-001   400-201   9L0-012   70-488   JN0-102   640-916   70-270   100-101   MB5-705   JK0-022   350-060   300-320   1z0-434   350-018   400-101   350-030   000-106   ADM-201   300-135   300-208   EX200   PMP   NSE4   1Z0-051   c2010-657   C_TFIN52_66   300-115   70-417   9A0-385   70-243   300-075   70-487   NS0-157   MB2-707   70-533   CAP   OG0-093   M70-101   300-070   102-400   JN0-360   SY0-401   000-017   300-206   CCA-500   70-412   2V0-621D   70-178   810-403   70-462   OG0-091   1V0-601   200-355   000-104   700-501   70-346   CISSP   300-101   1Y0-201   200-125  , 200-125  , 100-105  , 100-105  , C_TFIN52_66   1Z0-060   300-320   350-001   ADM-201   70-483   70-486  , 1z0-434   OG0-091   101   PMP   642-999   70-480   CISM   700-501   210-260  , 70-270   210-060   100-105  , 200-125  , MB2-707   210-065   M70-101   700-501   100-101   NSE4   70-177   CISM   3002   400-101   MB2-704   220-901   ICBB   NSE4   OG0-091   ITILFND  , 100-105  , 300-208   400-051   200-125  , 102-400  , 200-355   1z0-808   70-411   220-801   300-075   70-480  , MB2-704   640-916  ,