In King Richard’s absence, Prince John has taken over the kingdom and is taxing everyone to death. But in this madrigal dinner, Robin the Hood is not much better. He robs from the rich, but after that, he’s pretty much all talk. Maid Marian has either been kidnapped or has run off with Robin and his Merries, depending on whom you talk to. What’s a Friar to do? All comes together at Prince John’s annual tournament (and it’s not archery this time). The Friar, with the help of some Nunjas, will right all wrongs. This highly-interactive madrigal script is another one of our twisted versions of a familiar tale.
Cast size: 5 Male, 4 Female, 5 M/F, Extras
Audience interaction: 
or (Depending on how you play it.)
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SAMPLE PAGES:
The Merry Men have gathered two audience members to be trees in their forest. (They hold cardboard trees with a face cut-out and are instructed to sway each time they hear a forest or tree reference.) Robin has brought an audience member on stage to rob.
ROBIN: Sshh, shh! I thought I heard something!
MERRY 2: Oh, it’s just the wind. (ALL look to TREES.)
ROBIN: No, it’s . . . (Enter FRIAR.) Friar Tuck? How did you get here?
LITTLE JOHN: (Bursts onto stage.) Robin! Robin! Friar Tuck is on his way! I just saw him down by the— (Notices FRIAR for the first time.) How’d you get here so fast?
FRIAR: I walked up the path. Which way did you come?
LITTLE JOHN: (Pauses.) Uh, never mind.
ROBIN: Little John, you were supposed to guard the path so that Friar Tuck could not get to us.
MERRY 2: That’s the problem, Robin. You should have recruited Hugh to guard the path.
ROBIN: Hugh? Why Hugh?
MERRY 2: Because only Hugh can prevent forest friars.
ROBIN: (Long look at MERRY 2.) I’ve got arrows, you know. And I’m not afraid to use them.
FRIAR: (Notices the gagged “volunteer.”) Robin! What are you doing?
ROBIN: Collecting some money. What do you think we’re doing?
FRIAR: But, this poor man is from the village. His family was taxed twice this month—this time they took his last guinea hen.
ROBIN: (Laughs weakly.) Whoops. My bad. Little John, ungag the man. (To “volunteer.” MERRY 3 escorts him back to seat.) Don’t you worry, sir. We will replace your little chicken; I know a rich man down the road who can spare a few.
FRIAR: Robin, you know what I think about that.
ROBIN: (Ignores the FRIAR.) Cookie! (Enter COOKIE from side-stage.) We’ll need an extra dessert for our guest tonight! (Points to the “volunteer” they’ve just ungagged.)
COOKIE: Uh, Robin, we are out of food.
ROBIN: Oh. (Thinks a moment then puts his arm around MERRY 2.) You know that friendly neighborhood grocer, down along the south end of the village where we grew up?
MERRY 2: The one who gave us that roasted goose . . .
MERRY 1: That one Christmas we were so poor . . .
ROBIN: That’s the fellow. Go to his shop. See how he’s doing. Laugh about old times. Then take some food from him.
FRIAR: What?!
MERRY 2: Righto! Do you want the veal or fillet mignon this time?
ROBIN: Definitely the veal. His fillet mignon was a bit stringy last time. Oh, and pick up some dessert while you’re out. (MERRIES 1, 2 & 3 exit.)
FRIAR: Robin, you can’t do that.
ROBIN: (Looks at him blankly.) Yes, we can. We have the bows and arrows; he’s got the food. What’s your point?
FRIAR: Hello? It’s wrong. Robbing is against the law.
ROBIN: “Robbing?” Friar, this is just a small surcharge on people who make more than I do. If they voluntarily gave me their money, I wouldn’t have to force it from them.
FRIAR: That makes absolutely no sense!
ROBIN: And if you would voluntarily shut-up, I wouldn’t have to gag you. (LITTLE JOHN gags the FRIAR and ties his hands.)
FRIAR: (Shocked, mumbling through the gag.)
ROBIN: What’s that? I’m afraid I cannot make any sense of what you are saying, dear Friar. Of course, you were not making any sense even before you were gagged.
LITTLE JOHN: (Listening hard.) I think his problem is diction. (To FRIAR.) The director told you to articulate. (To ROBIN.) Some actors just never get it.
(SFX ninja music.)
COOKIE: Wait! I think I heard something.
LITTLE JOHN: Oh, it’s just the wind. (ALL look at TREES to sway. Repeat cue line if necessary.)
(COOKIE, LITTLE JOHN, & ROBIN pause and listen.)
ROBIN: Yep. It’s just the wind. (ALL look at TREES to sway.)
(SFX ninja music. 3 NUNJAS jump in from SR & SL with ninja poses.)
COOKIE: Oh, no! It’s . . . Nunjas! (ALL gasp.)
LITTLE JOHN: But, I thought they were just legend!
(Each NUNJA pulls out a ruler and points it overhead like a sword.)
LITTLE JOHN: Uh, Robin? I’m having a bad flashback to third grade.
(NUNJAs strike crane pose so that audience can see their shoes.)
COOKIE: They’ve got nun-chucks! (NUNJAs make yelling noises as if getting ready to attack.) Run! (COOKIE, ROBIN, and LITTLE JOHN exit, running through the audience.)
NUNJA 1: (Pulls off her hood.) Marry, that was easy.
NUNJA 2: (Pulls off her hood.) But I didn’t get to (Pulls up skirt so we can see her shoes.) try out my new nun-chucks.
NUNJA 1: I think our entrance was pretty good this time. (Looks to NUNJA 3.) What did you think?
NUNJA 3: (Shrugs.)
NUNJA 2: But, I keep forgetting with the crane pose—do I stand on my right foot or the left?
NUNJA 1: The Karate Kid always stood on his left foot. You see—
FRIAR: (Mumbling.)
NUNJA 1: (Looks at FRIAR.) Oh. Right. Sorry. (NUNJA 3 unties and ungags FRIAR.)
FRIAR: Well met, sisters! (Straightens his robes.) That will teach them to mess with the church.
NUNJA 2: Or the local grocer.
FRIAR: Do tell? What happened?
NUNJA 2: (Fake sword fighting with her ruler.) Well, let’s just say that those Merries got more than a slap across the knuckles. (FRIAR stares.) You know, we kicked the merriment right out of them! (FRIAR stares.) Found out they were yellow instead of green. (FRIAR stares.)
NUNJA 1: (To FRIAR.) We gave them a butt-whoopin’!
FRIAR: That’s the spirit! (Pauses.) Do you hear something?
NUNJA 2: (Listening.) Nope. It’s just the wind. (ALL stare at TREES. They sway.)
FRIAR: Ladies and gentlemen, although their acting was a little wooden, let’s hear it for the trees! (Lights down. FRIAR & NUNJA 3 exit. NUNJAS 1 & 2 help the tree people back to their seats.)
