Sir Gareth, under aegis (isn’t that a neat word?) from his mother the Queen of Orkney, goes to work as a kitchen knave for the Court of King Arthur for a year and a day without revealing his true identity. Lynette comes to the court to ask a boon of King Arthur. She needs his bravest knight (all look to Lancelot) to save her sister, who is being held captive by three evil knights. Arthur gives the quest to Gareth, the kitchen knave. All are shocked, and Lynette is enraged. Gareth patiently endures her verbal abuse for the duration of the quest. From this madrigal dinner script, we learn that nobility comes from actions, not coats-of-arms.
Cast size: 8-12 Male, 7-8 Female, 3-5 M or F
Audience interaction: 
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SAMPLE PAGES:
(Enter MINSTREL carrying a bow, preferably strung with guitar string, from SL. JESTER enters SR.)
JESTER: Good day, good forester.
MINSTREL: (Looks around.) To whom do you speak, good fellow?
JESTER: Why to you, good forester. You carry the bow of your office.
MINSTREL: (Looks at his “harp.”) I carry no bow.
JESTER: (Pointing to harp.) What is that, then?
MINSTREL: It is my harp.
JESTER: Your harp.
MINSTREL: Yes, my harp.
JESTER: But it has only one string.
MINSTREL: That is because I am an apprentice minstrel, first degree. I start with only one string.
JESTER: Must be sort of hard to carry a tune with only one string.
MINSTREL: Yes, I must restrict myself to VERY simple tunes.
JESTER: Such as?
MINSTREL: (Accompanies himself by plucking his harp with each monotone note–remember, use only one note. Sings the following to the rhythm of the William Tell Overture.)
I must sing with a harp that has just one string
With one note I must sing most everything
You can tell that my tunes have a lot of zing . . .
JESTER: I get the idea. It’s a pretty strange business when you sing like that and still make first string. (Laughs at his own joke.)
MINSTREL: I take it by your attempt at humor that you are an apprentice jester, half degree.
JESTER: (Offended.) I am the KING’s jester, I’ll have you know!
MINSTREL: (Attitude changes.) The king’s jester? Well, then, perhaps you could give me an introduction for a job.
JESTER: An apprentice minstrel, first degree working for the king? I think not!
MINSTREL: Ah, but I do not only play the harp . . .
JESTER: More like a bow.
MINSTREL: And sing . . .
JESTER: Groan maybe.
MINSTREL: I also tell stories, such as tales about King Arthur and his Knights.
JESTER: (Softens a bit.) Really? I love those stories. Chivalry and quests and feats of daring-do and all that. The king likes them, too. . . . Although he’s more into the violence.
MINSTREL: The king likes stories about King Arthur?
JESTER: Didn’t I just say that? All right. I’ll make you a bargain. You tell me the story, and if I think it’s good enough, I’ll introduce you to the king.
MINSTREL: Wonderful. I will tell the story and accompany myself on harp.
JESTER: Uh, is the bow really necessary?
MINSTREL: I can’t tell this story without notes.
JESTER: Hey, nice pun. Wait a minute! Are you applying for the position of minstrel or jester?
MINSTREL: I tell the courageous quests of heroes from the mists of legends. I leave puns and tired jokes to others. (Begins to exit.)
JESTER: Well, you missed this legend! (Points to himself.) Puns are the highest form of humor. Very well, then. Let’s see how your “epic quests” stack up against my outrageous jests. We will let the king decide – I love a contest of wits. Let’s see if you can tell any tale that is worthy of the king. (Yells after MINSTREL.) After all, you have my jokes as THE standard! (JESTER exits after the MINSTREL SL. Lights down.)
After the main course has been served:
(Lights up on head table where KING REGINALD, QUEEN BEATRICE, and various COURTIERS are seated. JESTER and MINSTREL enter from SR. They make their way to the head table.)
JESTER: (To MINSTREL.) Just let me do the talking. (Bows.) Greetings, sire! Greetings, my queen!
REGINALD: And who is this fellow you have brought before us, Jester?
JESTER: Ah, yes. You may think, by his appearance, that he is a forester. But this fellow, good king, is a wandering minstrel I happened upon. (MINSTREL bows.) And as your faithful jester, I am ever watchful for good entertainment for this court. As I espied this good fellow, I could see that he held great potential for story telling. (MINSTREL looks at JESTER, surprised at how his version of the facts is going.) In fact, I took one look at him and thought, “If his tales are even half as amusing as his appearance –”
BEATRICE: Jester, get to the point!
JESTER: Er, of course. I had this fellow share a tale with me that I am sure you will love. Of course, I had to add my own witty observations to make it of a quality fit for my king.
REGINALD: Then, by all means, have the minstrel tell us his tale.
MINSTREL: (Sits on the corner of the head table. He pulls out up his bow, plucks the string, and acts as though he is tuning it.)
BEATRICE: Minstrel, what are you doing?
MINSTREL: I am tuning my string.
BEATRICE: And may I ask why you have only one string?
JESTER: (Interjects before MINSTREL can respond.) In his tales he likes to string you along! Get it? String you along?
(Silence and staring from the COURT.)
MINSTREL: (To JESTER.) I can tell that your “outrageous jests” are very entertaining.
JESTER: I’m just warming up. (To KING and QUEEN.) The minstrel, by only having one string for his singing, shows a lot of pluck.
BEATRICE: Jester! We wish to hear the minstrel tell his tale!
REGINALD: We can listen to your blather any time.
JESTER: Blather? But punning is the highest form of humor . . .
BEATRICE: Let the minstrel have the stage.
JESTER: (Goes off to pout, where he is still visible. Grumbles audibly as he exits.) I offer witty repartee and what do they want? Mr. One-Note Wonder.
REGINALD: Now, minstrel, tell us your tale.
MINSTREL: (Checks to see that his string is tuned. He hums a note poorly until it matches with the string’s note then begins to sing in monotone.)
Long ago, in days of old,
Of noble deeds and legends told–
BEATRICE: Minstrel. Do you intend to tell the entire tale this way?
JESTER: (Jumps up and runs over.) Don’t worry, my queen! I, the jester, your loyal servant, will break the monotony with my jests!
BEATRICE/REGINALD: (Glare at JESTER.)
JESTER: Uh, I’m supposed to be over there, (Points to where he was and grins.) aren’t I? Let me just say that the one note droning has a hypnotic effect. (MINSTREL starts plucking string.) While you listen to his low-pitched constant twang, you find yourself growing sleepy, sleepy . . . (He uses a soothing, hypnotic voice.) until you feel that you are transported back in time, as if you are part of the story! (ROYALTY get dopey, hypnotized look. JESTER tiptoes to side stage.)
MINSTREL: (As the MINSTREL does his monotone monologue, the lights should change effect while COURTIERS change banners or set pieces to indicate a scene change, then exit. JESTER, QUEEN, and KING exit during this change. Enter QUEEN BELLICENT & GARETH.)
Long ago, in days of old,
Of noble deeds and legends told,
Lived a king of worth and fame.
Good King Arthur was his name. (Speaks the rest, with expression.)
Just across the mountains green
Lived another well-known queen;
Three sons had she, but two were grown.
And only one was still at home.
