This madrigal script runs about 20-25 minutes for those of you who are looking for a short masque (if you have few actors) or additional material (if you have extra actors). The Fool Hardies introduce each course with an ongoing story line. In this script, the Fool Hardies are out-of-work political consultants who are looking for something to fill the time. They misunderstand how to introduce each course, and the king will put up with it for only so long. The madrigal dinner is playfully interactive with the audience.
Cast size: 3 Male/3 Female
Audience interaction: 
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SAMPLE PAGES:
THE TOAST
(Enter FOOL HARDIES, looking around to avoid the royal guard. VIVIAN peruses the scroll.)
MARY: (Grabs scroll from VIVIAN.) Give me that script. I cannot believe that you spilled beer–
KERI: (Nudges MARY and points toward audience.)
MARY: Uh, I cannot believe that you spilled ROOT beer all over the script! I can’t read what we are supposed to do next.
KERI: Let me take a look at it. (ALL huddle to study the scroll.)
HARRY: Does that say, “Gag?”
LARRY: Well, this is a comedy.
VIVIAN: (Grabs the scroll.) Steak? We’re having steak?
KERI: Maybe. It’s not as if any of us really knows how to read.
MARY: (Takes script from VIVIAN.) Give me that script! Now, let me see. (KERI reaches over and turns the script right side up.) Oh. I think this says (Bends forward to read and whispers to the other FOOL HARDIES. They all say, “Ah!” Whispers some more, they all say, “Ah!” Whispers some more and they all stand straight up and stare, and then say, “EEEWW.”)
KERI: We’re supposed to do that? Really?
MARY: Yes. I’m sure that’s what it says. (Aside.) Pretty sure.
HARRY: But that’s disgusting.
LARRY: And there are children in the audience.
KERI: Oh, yeah. Right. Children aren’t used to violence. (Smacks LARRY on the back of the head.) Obviously, you don’t have cable.
MARY: Well, I admit, it’s gruesome and ghastly, but that is what the script says to do. (Completely changes character and asks brightly.) So! Is there anyone in the audience who would like to join us for the next exciting development in the script? (Looks around and chooses someone. Bring the person on stage.) Ah, you, sir. So nice of you to volunteer!
KERI: Actually, it was so nice of all of your friends to push you forward.
LARRY: We need someone just like you.
HARRY: (Puts his arm around volunteer.) Your part in the play is most important.
LARRY: What do you have to say to that?
HARRY: (Puts on the gag before volunteer can respond.) Actually, this is a non-speaking role.
VIVIAN: More a screaming role.
KERI: (Nudges VIVIAN.) But we do guarantee that you will be the center of attention.
(ALL tie him to a stake and put newspapers and sticks under his feet. They go into a rhyme.)
MARY: We want to please the host.
KERI: So, tie him to a post.
LARRY: And make of him a roast.
HARRY: Medium rare, at most.
VIVIAN: And then you’ll be a ghost.
MARY: So now it’s we who boast.
ALL: You’re toast! (They start to light the newspapers, when they realize they have nothing to light the paper with.)
MARY: Anybody out there have any flint and steel?
VIVIAN: And gasoline (ALL stare. Then nod. We are assuming that no one in the audience responds.)
LARRY: Hmm. I guess we’re on our own. (Starts rubbing two sticks together.) Man, I hate the Middle Ages.
SEFTON: (Enters quickly.) Wait! What do you think you’re doing?
LARRY: Uhm. Rubbing two sticks together.
SEFTON: Why?
HARRY: Nobody had flint and steel. Or gasoline. So we had to start this fire the good, old-fashioned medieval way.
SEFTON: You are burning this good man at the stake? Why would you do that?
MARY: Because it’s in the script. (Hands scoll to SEFTON.)
SEFTON: (Grabs it from MARY.) That’s where it went!
VIVIAN: (Looks over SEFTON’s shoulder and points to a place in the scroll.) We’re here. (Points further down.) Or maybe it’s here.
SEFTON: (Looks it over.) You’ve read the script wrong. It does not say, “You’re toast.” It says, “Make your toast.” It is time for the toast.
MARY: (Takes the scroll.) Really? (Tucks scroll back in her belt.)
ALL: (Pause.) Oh.
VIVIAN: Oopsie.
LARRY: How embarrassing. (Unties and ungags the volunteer.) No hard feelings, I hope.
VIVIAN: It was just a teensy mistake.
HARRY: Anyone could have made it.
LARRY: But, look at it this way, you were almost the toast of the town. As a matter of fact, I’m sure these fine people will give you a rousing round of applause. (He seats the volunteer.)
MARY: Now, I will make the toast.
KERI: No, I will make the toast.
HARRY: No, I will make the toast.
SEFTON: No, the king will make the toast.
MARY: The king? Why the king?
SEFTON: Because he has all the dough.
HARRY: That’s a pretty crumby reason.
SEFTON: (SEFTON glares at them.) It wouldn’t be good to get a rise out of the king. (Calls as he exits.) Guards!
VIVIAN: Uh, in that case, we’ll be leaven. (ALL stare at VIVIAN.) It’s the yeast we can do. (ALL stare.) What?
MARY: I’m Mary.
KERI: I’m Keri.
LARRY: I’m Larry.
HARRY: I’m Harry.
VIVIAN: I’m merry. (ALL stare.) Happy. Thrilled. (ALL stare.) What?
MARY: We are . . . the Fool Hardies!
KERI: You’ll be seeing more of us. (Scatter in various directions.)
