Beowulf and his band of Norsemen (and Norsewoman) journey to the hall of King Hrothgar to rid him of the monster Gretel, who does unspeakable acts of terror. What, exactly, does the monster do that is so terrible, you ask? Didn’t we just say that her acts were unspeakable? Though Beowulf loses a few good men to such acts of terror, his fellow Norsewoman proposes a solution. Of course, her solution doesn’t involve violence or the great, heroic, manly, testosterone-saturated deeds that Beowulf would prefer. Ever quick on his feet, though, Beowulf finds a way to resolve this madrigal script with the stuff that legends (or in this case, required high school literature) are made of.
Cast size: 5 Male, 5 Female, 3 Extras Male
Audience interaction: 
Order via Purchase Order
Order via PayPal/Credit Card: Beowulf, Son of Beocoyote $110.00
SAMPLE PAGES:
BEOWULF: So, speaking of females in a rage . . .
HELGAR: Careful . . .
BEOWULF: Tell us of this monster who terrorizes your hall.
KING: Her name is Grendel. Through her unspeakable acts of terror, I have lost three of my men every night for 3 years.
BEOWULF: What does she do?
KING: Didn’t I just say that her acts were unspeakable?
BEOWULF: Oh.
QUEEN: But we are running short of men, as you can see. Something must be done!
KING: But, first, you must be given the history of our plight. Bard, tell our guests the saga of Grendel, who commits unspeakable acts.
BARD: (Takes a dramatic pose.)
The warrior kings in days of old
Were fighters fierce and fighters bold.
Hrothgar was strong and generous, too.
This mead-hall he built is matched by few,
The words of the poet, the harpist’s song
Bring joy to these halls, all the night long.
But Grendel, vile monster of ancient lore,
Wanders the wasteland and possesses the moors.
One black night, after drinking our mead,
Our lords in our slumber fell under her deed.
The mad creature came, did unspeakable things,
Which poets don’t write of and harpists don’t sing.
Twenty men fell and some fled away
We learned of her curse at the dawning of day.
BEOWULF: (Pauses.) So, I’m still confused. What did this monster do exactly?
KING: We cannot say. It is too horrific.
QUEEN: (Dabbing her eyes.) It’s unspeakable, really.
BARD: Which has really limited my storytelling.
QUEEN: But you begin to understand how we have been ravaged by this monster.
BEOWULF: Surely, you have had great sorrow. But we have come in your service, King Hrothgar. My men–
HELGAR: And woman!
BEOWULF: My warriors and I shall spend the night in this hall, and we shall see what the morrow brings. But are you certain you cannot tell us more of her deeds? It may help us prepare.
KING: We have told you. Her deeds are unutterable.
UNFIRST: If you survive the night, you will know of that which we cannot speak.
BEOWULF: IF I survive the night? Why, if I can survive the Chilly Chamber of Chaucer, where I endured not a dry cold, but that wet cold. You know, the kind of cold that wraps around you so that you feel like you are wrapped in a wet sheet on a gray November morning? I survived by eating nothing but–
UNFIRST: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know. You’re “Mr. Important.” “Mr. Hero.” “Mr. I’m all that.” We’ll see if anything changes after this long, grim, night of unsay-able terror. (Laughs maniacally.)
KING: (Stands.) Indeed it is time to retire. In fact, Grendel could be here any minute. Fare you well, Beowulf. (Pats him on the back.) May you all fare well this night. (All of the men stampede off of the stage, the women exiting more slowly, leaving only Beowulf and his men–and woman.)
